I come from a small family. I just have one sister (ten years younger than me). I'm not a stranger to larger families. My mom is one of five and my dad is one of six. When I was younger I had tons of cousins and we would all celebrate the holidays together. Now that we are grown up most of my parent's brothers and sisters celebrate the holidays with their kids and (now) grandchildren. I know a lot of times this makes my mother sad that she doesn't have a grandchild and I sometimes think she secretly thinks this is my fault for waiting to long although I know she would never say it. She knows what we are going through and seems interested, but it's hard to talk to her about this stuff since she's one of those people that got pregnant their first time trying.
My husband on the other hand is one of seven and is the middle child. The oldest three children are not married and I'm pretty sure they aren't interested in ever getting married. My husbands younger brother sort of "legalized" marriage in the family when he married his wife, N. We got married two years later and his younger sister got married six months after us. His youngest brother is in law school so it'll be a while before he gets married. None of these people know about our IF.
So, N had a baby about two months before we got married. Flash forward to my sixth cycle (which I thought was a lot at the time. Ha!) and N announces her second pregnancy that is about seven weeks along. Keep in mind she announced this about a week before my SILs wedding. I don't know why she couldn't wait. Nobody could tell that she was expecting. I cried and cried about this and thought it just wasn't fair that she could get knocked up about six months after having her first. So, I just didn't acknowledge it. Mr. W's brother told him and I found out through Mr. W so I just pretended he didn't tell me.
Since then, I had some rough times with her and her pregnancy. In September we all went to the Hamptons for a family party and the day AF showed up they came with my nephew and her cute little belly. Since he's the only grandchild we have to shower him with attention. When they brought my niece home in December, I got AF the day I took over a gift. Now, next weekend is the baptism and I'm expecting AF two days before. So I'll be a heavy flow cramping mess and have to pretend to just love the babies. I do love them, but sometimes it's too much. Please pray that we get some positive news on Wednesday or this could be a disaster.
The kicker is that just this week she told me that watching my niece and nephew would be "great birth control." I kind of just wanted to say FUCK YOU. I think my own IF is birth control enough you super fertile bitch. And the week before that I said how I couldn't believe I used to be scared of MIL, but she is so nice and she had the nerve to say that they had a better relationship because she has kids. Does that mean that MIL doesn't have a good relationship with her own daughters because they don't?
And her mother is always making comments on how the kids are so spoiled in that big family with no kids. Ugh. I wonder if she will initially be jealous to not be the center of attention anymore.
Thank you to anyone who made it this far. I just needed to get this off my chest. I hate to say too much to Mr. W because I don't want him to think I am always complaining about his family.
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Oh Dawn, I'm so sorry. This sounds tough, especially since so few people in the situation know about your IF. That makes it all the more difficult.
ReplyDeleteYou're a stronger woman that I. I don't have the same situation, but my step SIL had a baby in October (we actually found out we were pg the same time from my first m/c. She delivered prematurely the day I had the D&E for my 3rd loss) and I have yet to see the baby or acknowledge her existence to her. I've avoided all family functions or timed things in a way that I just don't have to deal.
I hope that AF stays away next weekend. If not, we're all here for you. I wish there were something more that I could say or do but hopefully knowing that you aren't alone helps (at least a little). (((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry about this. Especially the "birth control" comment. I've gotten that one before, too, from both friends and family. Of course, the other one is "rub the baby on Rebecca, maybe some of it will rub off." Well, seriously, I didn't realize that was all it takes!
ReplyDeleteWe have a similar problem because my SIL got pg with her second when we were trying for four months (yeah, that seemed like a long time then...) and so now has two kids under 2 that are the absolute center of EVERYTHING that the family does as a group. I do love my nephews and want to be there for them while they're young so it won't be "weird" when they're older, but it's really hard to deal with.
And, doesn't the timing always seem to suck? AF shows up, it's a heavy medication time, a BFN, etc. and someone else is giving birth or announcing a pg. I had a huge migraine from my first bout of the 'mid the day I had to go meet my new nephew. That was a fun reminder!
I really hope AF stays away!!!
I am so sorry, Dawn, but I completely understand. My only sibling, my younger brother, is 18 and not going to get married or have babies anytime soon. But my husband's younger brother and his wife got pregnant, had their baby, and their baby is now 9 months--all while we are going through IF. It's horrible, and it makes it worse when the whole family is together and ALL we talk about is the baby. Now DH's cousin is pregnant and it makes the baby talk even worse (and I didn't think that was possible).
ReplyDeleteI really hope AF stays away next weekend. I have everything crossed for you. (((hugs)))