I am not perfect. I thought that I would stay at home, have a clean house and kids that sleep through the night! Ha!! The house isn't so bad (except for the baby bomb of toys!), the sleeping is OK (good night and bad nights - last night was pretty bad for G).
I have read about four sleep training books and each of them has made me feel like if I don't do everything right my kids will never STTN. I'm beginning to realize that STTN is just luck. Technically the do sleep most of the night I put them down around 7:30 and they sleep until 3:30 then sleep again from 4:30 - 7:00. Some nights it's midnight and 5 a.m. I think the lack of sleep has made me a little blue. Yesterday, I broke down to my husband that I don't think I'm doing anything right as a mother. I feel like I don't hold them enough, interact with them enough, blah, blah, blah. I guess it's different with two. Mr. W gave me a lot of reassurance that I'm raising two healthy and happy boys. I feed them in boppy pillows at the same time and then try to talk / play with them for the hour that they are up after, but it's only an hour and a half of awake time and I split that between two babies. And most of the time they just want to lay on the floor, kick their legs and look at lights! :)
Yesterday was nice because Mr. W was home (and not working for once) and we got to take turns feeding the boys. I got to leave to go grocery shopping and he got his alone time with the boys. I felt like I had recharged my batteries!
So for now, I'm going to try to get up, feed the boys, give them baths, let them have their a.m. nap and get out at least once a week with them. I think I need to be independent. I was trying to not take them out much for fear that they would never sleep at night if they were not on a schedule. I think it's time to not be so rigid and see how that goes. I'm just hoping it's not an epic failure!
I know this post is going to seem whiney and that a lot of people would trade places with me in a heartbeat, but I needed to get this out because I feel like I have been on a slippery slope to being depressed. So, today, I resolve to take it easy on myself and enjoy each day I have with the boys without feeling like I'm a bad mother.
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You are not a bad mother. You have TWINS. For the love, I'd be tired too! I hope that things get better soon.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
Don't beat yourself up -- I can't imagine how tough it must be to be dealing with twins!! I think you're doing a great job!
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, I know how you feel. I think you have a bad case of mommy guilt {{{HUGS}}} You are doing a great job and believe me you don't have to have a fine tuned schedule, babies start STTN when they are ready. It sounds like you are doing wonderfully if they are only up once, that's impressive for their age. Your plan of getting out and about with them once a week sounds great, I'm sure it'll help your brain to do that. I haven't done it but a good friend of mine joined a mommy group that meets once a week and she swears it's great for voicing a lot of these type of concerns as well as getting advice from others going through the same thing. Might be worth a shot?
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